The Oscars - The Bad, The Bad & The Ugly

OK, so I had to do an Oscar post after all. I watched the fashion police with Joan Rivers last night and I loved how bitchy and honest she was. I did have to disagree with her when she trashed my boy Robert Downey. I don’t care what he wears; he could roll out of bed -- or somebody else’s, (perhaps a stranger’s bed at a random house in Malibu) and still look gorgeous!

Robert Downey Jr.

I’m not even going to do a best dressed list this time because, frankly, nobody was that inspiring or well dressed in my opinion. Of course, everybody has different opinions when it comes to red carpet dressing, but I wish the “fashion police” (besides Joan Rivers) would stop worrying about offending actresses and have the guts to say when something is horrible. I mean, JLo on the best dressed list? Come on! She is a gorgeous woman, but her dress was an absolute disaster. It looked like a second dress was growing out of the side. Jennifer was wearing Siamese twins.

Jennifer Lopez

Charlize Theron, please fire your stylist. Charlize is so beautiful, but I couldn’t get past her breasts! Usually, that would be a good thing, but not in this case. Why would she think that lumpy rosettes would enhance her figure?

Charlize Theron

I know I’ve mentioned before that I am not a girly girl, so I usually don’t go for ruffles, but I keep an open mind when I’m looking at other people’s choices. Everyone has different taste – I get it. However, Zoe Saldana and Vera Farmiga just didn’t do ruffles the right way. These two ensembles were hideous. Sorry girls.

Zoe Saldana & Vera Farmiga

I wish that James Cameron’s wife would just eat something already. I can’t even remember what she was wearing because I couldn’t actually look at her for more than 2 seconds! I thought she was part of the homage to horror films the Academy did.

Suzy Amis (aka, Skelatress) & James Cameron

Finally, did anybody else feel that the interpretive dance was sort of out of place? I’m glad they wasted so much time with it that poor Tom Hanks had to announce the best picture in 1.8 seconds. Way to honor Kathryn Bigelow guys, she only made history! Well, I guess the interpretive dance was more important.

Ricky Gervais performing interpretive dance on the UK's "Office"

This would have been more appropriate for the Oscars!

Rancid Rancic

I didn’t include Giuliana DePandi Rancic in my post yesterday even though she deserved very much to be on the worst dressed list. She also should win for the worst hair… and the largest forehead. Yikes, I sound so catty! I can’t help it. Rancic was the most annoying correspondent I’ve seen lately because she was so consumed with herself. There were several bad moments and bad interviews, but perhaps the most appalling came when Rancic “interviewed” Anna Kendrick, one of the stars in the nominated film Up In The Air. This was a probably a pretty important moment for the young actress, wouldn’t you think? Well, not if you’re Giuliana Rancic, apparently. Rancic could have cared less what Anna had to say, instead, she was more concerned about throwing herself at George Clooney. Here’s a look at her making a fool of herself…

Globe Review

The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards took place last night and the overall winner wasn’t Avatar, it was CLEAVAGE. Mariah Carey is always spilling out of her dresses, but last night, she wasn’t the only celebrity flaunting her bosom on the red carpet (she was, however, the “biggest” offender). Anna Paquin, Felicity Hoffman, Halle Berry, Olivia Wilde and Fergie jumped on the bosom bandwagon. Even flat chested Kate Hudson faked some cleavage in her “stuffed” Marchesa dress.

So, let’s get to it…

My number one choice for best dressed female is Reese Witherspoon. Reese looked very elegant and beautiful in a midnight navy, one-shouldered dress by Armani.

To round out the top five (OK, 6) best females…

Jennifer Aniston in Valentino – sexy and revealing, but tasteful!

Rose Byrne (“Damages”) in Lanvin – love the clean lines and purple color

Zoe Saldana in Louis Vuitton - it's a beautiful color and the multi-tier look works on her waify frame

Heather Graham in Elie Saab - pure glamour

Diane Kruger in Christian Lacroix - she gets kudos for color, plus "it’s Lacroix, darling, sweetie, darling!"

OK, now the fun part! I am torn between Cher and Drew Barrymore for the worst dressed award, so I’ve decided to call it a tie. Cher’s lacing detail on the shoulder accentuated her broad shoulders making her look even more like a drag queen, while Drew looked like she was being attacked by sea creatures.

Rounding out the top five worst…

Mary Poppins…uh, I mean Tina Fey – when will she get a decent stylist?

Julianne Moore – how could her escort, Tom Ford, allow her to wear this frumpy and tacky dress?

Jennifer Morrison ("House") in Luis Antonio – I think this Puerto Rican designer was inspired by the crumpled papers he must have been throwing on the ground with every failed attempt at sketching something aesthetically pleasing!

Christina Hendricks chose to wear a creation (for lack of a better word) by Christian Siriano (former Project Runway winner). Bad choice. The asymmetric ruffle extending across the bottom and falling on her right hip makes her look WIDE. Oh, you didn’t notice the ruffle? You were too busy staring at her giant breasts that refuse to be contained by the flimsy bodice?

Since I’ve only given myself five picks for the best and the worst, I’ve reserved a few more that I will put into a category called “other interesting ensembles.”

Chloe Sevigny as a Portuguese Man o' War

Tea Leoni in David Duchovny's shirt?

Mickey Rourke