My Annual Health Check-Up

I went for a blood test today. It’s nothing unusual, just my routine annual check-up. This health check also included a urine test.

The nurse gave me a small bottle and asked me to collect my urine in it. Now I don’t know about you, but I always find it a little uncomfortable pissing into a tiny bottle. I am so used to pissing into a much bigger container, like a toilet bowl for instance.

I remembered the first time I did this many years ago. I was completely new to collecting my own urine then, so when the nurse gave me the bottle without any instructions, I asked her “Er, what is this for?”

“For the urine test.” she said, not looking at me.

“Er…urine? My…my urine?” I stuttered.

She looked at me and said, “No, MY urine. Of course it’s your urine! And I can’t do it for you.”

Smiling sheepishly, I took the bottle.

I was about to head for the washroom, but stopped myself short.

“Er...how much should I collect?” I asked her.

“Half the bottle will do.”

Then as if I did not understand her, she spoke in a firmer tone.

“NOT full, please.”

The trouble started when I was in the washroom. Carefully aiming into the bottle, I let go. But guess what? I must have drank a lot of water before that because I could not stop. Oh no! The bottle was filling up. I got to stop!

It was with some effort that I managed to do it.

Phew! That’s a relief!

But wait! How come I felt a little wet on my hands?

Oops! I must have accidentally spilled some on my hands. Then I realized the outer side of the bottle was wet too.

What a mess! So I quickly capped the bottle and washed my hands and the outer side of the bottle. I didn’t think my mom would be too proud of me that day if she knew how I messed up!

And then I noticed something. The bottle was more than three quarters full. I remembered the nurse said I only need to fill half the bottle.

So I uncapped the bottle and poured out the excess urine. But guess what? In my haste, I poured out a little too much! Now the bottle was less than half filled!

I was like, what the f.....!

Well, what was I to do but to make a second attempt at filling the bottle? I did it expertly the second time, with no spilling and right on the half way mark. Me pretty fast learner, no?

Somehow I don’t think I am the only person who is this clumsy. Just looking at how the nurses pick up those bottles of urine will tell you a lot!

Of course I learnt from my mistakes and have never messed up ever since.

Another problem I have to face every time I go for medical check-up is the blood test. I think it’s more a problem for the doctor than it is for me. Somehow, doctors have a hard time trying to find the vein in my arms where they could extract blood from.

I don’t think I am really fearful at the sight of blood, but when someone tries to extract blood from me, I do get all tensed up and even start feeling dizzy.

It's not a very nice feeling when the doctor takes a long time to locate my veins. It’s even worse when the doctor jabs you and discovers he had poked at the wrong place and then tells you he had to try again! At one time, I actually felt like I was going to black out!

So now, I am much wiser. Each time the doctor want to extract my blood, I will lie down first. By lying down, I feel more relaxed and even if I go dizzy, it’s not too much of a problem.

Well, do you have this problem like I do? I hope you will say yes because I think I am the only one in the world with this weird problem.

Anyway, one thing is for sure, I can never be a doctor or even a nurse for that matter!